Feelings and hard preperation

I am having mixed feelings about this surgery because I thought that 3 years ago when I was at Shriners Hospital just for kids that that would be my last surgery, but I was WRONG!!! When I first found out from my doctor at Shriners that I would need to see the ONLY specialist in Texas at Texas Childrens hospital then I was sad, depressed, and I felt like NO ONE could help me feel better....not even my hero..(my mom) .... I had thoughts going through my head like.."I don't want to be that kid in the wheel chair again" ...... or .... "I don't want to feel handi-capped again".... and the worst thought was... "Wow!!! God really turned on me now didn't he??!!!?) All through the summer I was ignoring the pain and praying that my doctor visit would go well.. and when it didn't I was bummed. All I could thing about was being mad and how with all that praying God had really let me down...well then I got over it (not completely) ... and I apologized to God and asked him to forgive me for being mad at him... and from then on I have been praying like CRAZY!!!

This whole thing is CRAZY and OVERWHELMING for a 12 and 1/2 year old young lady. I am scared to death and sometimes I just feel alone through this whole thing. I know I am not alone but sometimes if my Mom brings up the topic or anything to do with it I can't help but tear up or cry...I know it seems foolish but it's the truth...... I am VERY, VERY thankful for my family members who have been praying and for my friends and church family who have been praying for me. :)

The least thing that I want to happen is people to say ... "oh hunny I feel soo sorry for you".. that BUGS ME!!!! I also dont want to be treated differently... or be treated like I am handi-capped!!! I want to be treated like an equal before and after my surgery....

I am thankful to the people who read and comment on my blog and I hope that y'all like this one and I will talk to y'all soon. :) :) :) :)

Sincerely,

Miss Hip and Sassy (Bailey) :) :) :) :)
P.S. become a follower if you aren't already!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)